Big Ugly:

Your writer's group critique session turns mean. 

What do you do?

It's easy in a Writer's Group to let the discussion turn into a vicious slash-n-burn affair in which the weaker, less experienced writers are killed and devoured by the more experienced (jaded, angry, bitter?) veterans.  

I held a meeting one evening where this little-boned, stick of a man systematically destroyed the ego of an eager young lady.  Said things like, "Characters are weak... story is dull and not plotted very well... the format was off... there was no "professionalism..."  

It was ugly.  At one point the gal said, "Alright, I know my script is flawed.  What do you suggest?"  

And this guy actually said to her, "I'm not going to rewrite your script for you!"  Thus leaving her hanging naked and exposed without even the semblance of a life preserver.

And me, I sat there like a stone.  Knowing it was wrong, but thinking in my stupidity that the little-boned man was some kind of "pro," and therefore had something to teach the rest of us. 

So I said next to nothing that evening, as the bloodletting went on and the atmosphere grew darker.  Said nothing as this crummy, warped little prick vented his overflowing spleen on an innocent victim who didn't have the good sense to see that he was a burnt out loser with the career trajectory of a skydiver.

I let it happen, and the next day got this incredibly heartfelt note from the gal telling me how humiliated she had felt and how belittled and ashamed she had been the evening before.  Beseeching me to either keep such ugliness from happening again or admit that I, too, was a failure and cancel any future meetings to spare another unsuspecting writer from being verbally raped.

I listened.  And from that day forward our meetings were helpful, not hurtful.  And I made it my business to keep away any hint of bashing, hammering, digging or vindictiveness.   

I became a regular tyrant of goodwill, asking that negative feedback be given only in the most positive way, acknowledging that all of us are seeking knowledge and insights and that no one has the perfect script.

We held Wednesday night discussions on works-in-progress for four years after that, with a steady stream of new faces every week and writers feeling confident and comfortable enough to being in rewrites and first drafts and even treatments and ideas for feedback and some creative brainstorming.  Of that I am proud.  

And it almost makes me forget that I let a terrible thing happen one night some time ago.  That it was I who was responsible, not the damaged personality of the little-boned man.  But me, the "Director" of the Group.  A guy called Joe, who now says to you, "Go and Do Better."

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