Big Ugly:

You've written your first screenplay and prepare to send it out.

Great!  But first...

Okay, you've made it, you have graduated into the hallowed halls of the chosen few of us who have actually, physically and finally completed a screenplay.  Congratulations!  Now stop feeling so superior, my friend, 'cause you ain't done nothing special.  

Last I checked, there were more than 50,000 unsolicited (which is a fancy-schmancy way of saying unwanted and unneeded) screenplays mailed, delivered, hand-carried, and otherwise foisted upon the few people in the world who would want to read such a thing. 

This one speaker I brought into town said it best.  He said that in Hollywood there are the "Thrusters" and the "Thrusties."  Now although this sounds like some kind of wierdo sexual activity, he assured us it was not.  It has to do with the "System," and what it means to the perspiring --I mean-- aspiring writer.

 We are Thrusters.  We "thrust" our work at others.  The agents, producers, actors, and directors, the staff members of agents, producers, actors, and directors, the friends and family of  agents, producers, actors, and directors are the "Thrusties."  

They are continually getting stuff thrust at them from the likes of us.  After awhile, this tends to become annoying and the Thrusties start using a highly specialized language that includes phrases like "Restraining Order."

Get the picture?  The simple fact is that no one wanted you or me to write a script.  The truth is that Hollywood has been making movies now for a hundred years, and during the vast majority of that time writers were treated like menial employees or worse.  Today, we have a system where writers ate still treated like an afterthought - our work is rewritten over our objections, is fundamentally altered without our permission, is permanently damaged without our consent.

On the other hand, the payday and pay scale of writers has increased tremendously over the years.  Look at the some of the bidding wars, and the kind of numbers the top guys pull down (Don't expect me to list that stuff here - with such big money being paid for absolute dreck, I just can't bear it).

So what do you do.  You want to send it out, you need to send it out!  It's gotta go out... it can't stay home collecting dust... this movie just HAS to get made... they'll want to make it, I know it... I've gotta send it oooooout!!

Do it, already.  Send the damn thing to someone.  Here's how to do it so it makes sense:

1)    Know your market.  Don't send it to some agency or production company that doesn't do that kind of picture.

2)    Know your people.  There are directories where you can get the name of a real person to send it to.  Do that.

3)    Know yourself.  Don't think you're going to get a million dollars by next week - it won't happen.  If it does, let me know and I'll apologize for being wrong.  And kill myself for not being the one to do it.  

4)    Think of progress as being good feedback, a chance to send something else, a relationship with one of those people whose name you got from the directory.  Think long term, not short term.

5)    Relax!  This isn't life or death, especially for the Thrusties.  They've got careers already, and once again, they weren't sitting around waiting for us to make them rich or successful or pretty.  They've got those things right now... it's US who need them in order to hang out with people who are rich, successful and pretty.

6)    Have an ego, dammit!  Demand that you be read.  Make a fuss.  Cause a scene.  Act the fool.  Why not?  In Hollywood the only sin is being boring.  So don't be boring.  I never did this.  I was boring.  I guess I took my cue from the "regular" business world and always presented a staid, self-assured, confident, poised, incredibly handsome, sexually gifted guy... sorry, got caught up in a thing, there.  I guess I was just pretty damn dull.  But underneath it all... 

The point is that you want to be remembered.  So go out on a limb, dare to be unforgettable.  It can't hurt.           

Here's my advice:  Write what YOU must write, hold true to who YOU are, don't give a shit about anything else, and you might just make it out alive.

Unlike a guy called Joe, who now says to you, "Go and Do Better."

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